Tuesday, February 04, 2014


They'll tell to you some loving story
And they'll make you think they love you well
Then away they'll go to court some other
And leave you there in grief to dwell
-"Fair and Tender Ladies"

Being a life-long male, when I write about relationship stuff, it tends to be from a man's perspective.  And there's plenty to complain about there.  However, there are reasonable complaints from women about how men are and how men treat them.
I've read and heard many a complaint about how men will be so charming and romantic when they are courting a girl, then get dull and the love is gone once they catch her.  And I've read and heard many a complaint about how guys seem to lose interest once they've bedded a girl.
Well I have a theory about that, and it has to do with prey and treasure.  Men are, on the whole, hunters and capturers.  We love the hunt and chasing down prey, we love the competition and the challenge of going after something and bagging it.  And for many men, having sex with as many different and interesting women as possible is a sort of game.
The problem with this is, once you've caught the prey, its no longer prey, its no longer a game, and its no longer a challenge.  So the hunter loses interest and go after the next prey.
Now, some women, perhaps too many, will present themselves as prey.  Yes, grrl power and all that, you're strong and independent yadda yadda.  But if you show up to attract attention, trying to find a guy to have sex with, presenting yourself as a target to capture, you're acting like prey.  You are showing yourself to be a prize to bag, a trophy to catch and then move on to the next one.
If you dress in that slinky black sexy little dress and flirt with all the guys... they see you as prey.  Literally, in some cases.  You're the little bunny on the barstool and its up to the wolf to get her.

Presenting yourself that way means you're going to get what you're advertising for.  You're going to get that exciting hunter guy.  But when he's caught his prey... he's bored, the hunt is over, he caught his bunny rabbit and now he moves on to another target.
There's another approach to take as a woman, and you probably know girls like this.
Some girls present themselves not as a target to catch but as treasure to win.  They aren't out there trying to hook a man, they're out there being themselves and living their lives and being someone worthy and wonderful and desirable that men want to quest after and win.
See, the quest doesn't end with finishing the job, its not like hunting a deer you mount on the wall and then put a party hat on for New Years.  When you search for treasure, its something to be valued for as long as you live.  Instead of a hunter, the man is seeking something life transforming and precious.
The guy that searches all over the world for the wonderful treasure, faced challenges and difficulties to win it, he takes it home and it matters to him forever.  Its not just a story you tell your buddies, its a story you remember and hold to your fondly your whole life.
The treasure is something you win and love forever, the thing you have sought so hard and consider wonderful and, well, something you treasure.  The treasure does not look for the questor, its just worthy on its own without needing affirmation or capture.  If that chest of dubloons is never dug up, its still valuable.
So if your man doesn't treat you right, if you keep having guys then lose them because they get bored, and if you have an endless string of Sex and the City style encounters but bemoan the quality of men you get... maybe you're being prey when you should be treasure.

1 comment:

Eric said...

Double edged sword here... women who act like prey instead of treasure won't find a man who sees their value.

On the other hand, men who treat women like they are treasure beyond value tend to be fundamentally unappealing to women at a sexual level, and rarely get to experience the value of her treasure at anything more than a platonic level.

IMHO, a little bit of balance on both sides is required for it to work. A woman needs to know her own value, but also display enough prey-like qualities to keep a man's inner wolf focused on her.

A man has to be able to value a worthy woman as more than just a notch in his belt, but he also has to be careful not to start treating her as some priceless and pure treasure that is to be put high on a pedestal and valued beyond all else. Plus, a man's gotta feed his inner wolf from time to time... and wolves don't eat diamonds.