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Monday, August 20, 2012

SAD TATS

"Oh yes, gaijin, this says 'mighty warrior.' Trust me."

I'm not a big fan of tattooing. Unless you're part of special forces or a sailor, getting a tattoo is just foolish, especially for women. Getting more than one is exponentially foolish, and once you have a single tat you almost always end up getting more.

Expensive, painful, and pointless, this procedure became popular in the 90s and for some reason has clung to popular culture to a degree that sports stars look like Yakuza members and people from all walks of life are getting ink done. Its just one of those things that makes me shake my head in confusion and I hope the fad dies out soon, but there's no indication that it will.

One of the most foolish sorts of tattoos to get is the kanji or Asian character tat. People get tattoos of various Chinese or Japanese characters on their bodies supposedly to make a statement. But unless you know the language and exactly what it says, this is really asking to look like an idiot. Recently the Daily Mail did a piece showing various tats and what they really meant:
A body art fan with a philosophical frame of mind meant to have the phrase ‘To Fight is to Suffer’ tattooed on his skin. Instead, he ended up with the far bleaker message: ‘Exhausted/Poor.’

Among the more colourful examples in this category is ‘Golden Pig’ (with the symbol for ‘Pig’ upside down); ‘I Am slow/Pregnant’ and ‘My Abusive Husband Pimps Me Out.’

But nothing captures the predicament of getting a tattoo in a language you don’t know than the case of the person who meant to get inked with symbols for ‘Loyalty,’ only to end up with ‘Noodles’ permanently carved into his body.
A lot of these are nonsense or just scrambled characters, sometimes upside down. For example:

Bad Tat
The character in this one was supposed to say 'tree' but is instead the character for the name "ho." Why, yes.Now you go through life with the words GOLDEN PIG permanently stamped on your back. I bet your mother is so proud.

Instead of the intended word 'courage' she got 'big mistake' which is pretty appropriate.This was supposed to say 'loyalty' but instead says 'noodles.' Well if you become ever a gangster, you're set with a nickname.

Bad enough you just defaced yourself out of sheer narcissism, but now you have something idiotic on you for others to laugh at. You might as well get IDIOT tattooed on your forehead.

Its sad, there are a few things that women can do that make guys like me feel sad and less interested. Smoking is one. Getting multiple piercings all over is another - gee I liked you until I saw that ring in your eyebrow. And the third is getting a tattoo. You thought that butterfly on your ankle looked cute, I think it looks dumb and in 30 years its going to look like you stepped in mud and didn't ever wash your ankle.

I usually have someone tell me that I "dont get it" at this point, but I do get it: you wanted to say something about yourself, you wanted to make a statement and its like wearing a certain shirt with a statement. Except, forever. And it was painful. Its like wanting to make a statement about your courage by driving a spike through your hand. See how badass I am? I AM SPIKE MAN.

Just don't.

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