Friday, September 10, 2010


He wouldn't laugh. Fashion, as his titanium-cheekboned wife has taught him, is a very serious business.
And, most of all, he wouldn't be selling them to women.
-If Beckham was in Joe Namath's pantyhose ad

Herbivore Beckham
In 1994 Mark Sipmson writing in the Independent coined the term "metrosexual:"
Metrosexual man, the single young man with a high disposable income, living or working in the city (because that’s where all the best shops are), is perhaps the most promising consumer market of the decade. In the Eighties he was only to be found inside fashion magazines such as GQ, in television advertisements for Levis jeans or in gay bars. In the Nineties, he’s everywhere and he’s going shopping.
This is the kind of male who gets a facial scrub to open his pores, believes the ads that tell him he has to smell pretty for women to like him, has his hair perfect because he hits the salon weekly, and never has gotten any dirt under his regularly manicured nails. He is the kind of man who goes shopping for new clothes each spring to match the latest fashions, carries a man purse with pride, and considers makeup a necessary part of male clothing when going out to shop, which he loves to do.

He isn't gay, he's just emasculated, and the Japanese have what I think is an even better term for the wretch: herbivore. As in a cow, a hapless herd animal without any aggressive characteristics or leadership ability, a creature that can be very pretty but is pretty well useless except as a pet or a work animal.

Herbivorous men are the kind that fears or dislikes the outdoors, speaks in a quieter sort of feeble tone that seems to end with a questioning tone all too often. He's the kind that is a vegetarian because he can't stand how mean people are to animals and arranges his life around his girlfriend, of whom he always has to have one because standing alone is unthinkable. He'll never show leadership and he'll always try to be as feminist as possible, nodding furiously at the latest NOW statements and vowing to fight for the Equal Rights Amendment if only it comes up again.

He's the perfect man for leftist urban life, a man who contributes to the economy vigorously be believing whatever he's told by advertising, the kind of man who buys all the right books even if he doesn't read them, and the kind of man who'll back any latest lefty cause because it feels right. He's the kind of guy who gets a thrill up his leg when he sees a pair o slacks with a perfect crease, the kind of man who was horrified by a president standing in a flight suit or clearing brush on a ranch.

In short, he's short a pair of critical masculine body parts and can't build civilization, lead, or fight evil when needed. Herbivorous men are hardly men at all beyond minimal biology. They're technically capable of breeding, if the woman wants to, but will always pay for an abortion and back her right to choose at all times. They're technically capable of fighting, even if they have to use their nails, for the last pair of Calvin Klein underwear.

They're the kind of men civilization always seems to grow like weeds, the more advanced it becomes. They're the guys who were perfumed, lace-cuffed fops in Napoleonic times, the kind who laid about watching Rome collapse and blamed Christians - which is sort of familiar these days. They contribute nothing to civilization or society beyond consumerism, and take away much of the country's backbone. They're most of what was left behind in Europe after World Wars 1 and 2 killed the bulk of the continent's men, most of whom were leaders, heroes, and men of action, substance, and honor. They are men without chests, men without purpose.

They are herbivores.

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