Thursday, June 29, 2006

SCOOPS OF THE FUTURE

James Lileks looks ahead at future stories by the New York Times on Things The Public Has a Right to Know© in his most recent screed:

Here’s a look ahead to new, vital scoops.

August 21, 2006: “Super-stealthy surveillance drone emits high-frequency sounds harmful to dogs,” a story announces. “Classified documents personally unsealed by Times editor Bill Killer reveals the new generation of spy drones cause dogs to run in circles, barking uncontrollably.” Asked whether this might cause terrorists to start keeping dogs, a Times spokesman said it was unlikely, as they struck him more as cat people.

What’s more, they probably assumed they were being watched. The spokesman referenced the Times story on classified satellites that could see through roofs at night from space, unless the roofs were covered with two layers of aluminum foil. “Thanks to that story,” the spokesman added, “the satellite has only been used one-tenth of the time, which adds considerably to its longevity.” He also referenced a story on Baghdad’s booming aluminum-installation trade as one of those “good news” stories bloggers are always demanding.

He concludes with an examination of what finally upsets Times readers and what drives them away:

Jan. 27, 2008: Keller’s replacement announces that the New York Times will begin running comic strips. Four full pages, from Garfield to Blondie.

New York intellectuals are finally horrified. Subscriptions are cancelled in droves.

If you haven't been reading James Lileks, do. And check out his books, my brother has three and they are all three hilarious.

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1 comment:

Anna Venger said...

Mere humor or prophecy? I guess we'll have to wait to see....